A successful marriage these days may seem elusive when reading the statistics on marriages. Even the statistics are listed in the negative. We speak of divorce rates not success rates in our media. Two keys to successful marriage lie in building trust and intimacy in the marriage.
A successful marriage requires both intimacy and trust but will never be found in that order. Early romantic and wildly passionate relationships should not be misconstrued as intimate. Real intimacy is the reward of the process of building trust and understanding in a relationship.
Trust is the foundation of an intimate relationship, not the other way around. Trust can be inherent from the beginning of a relationship but unfortunately that isn't always the case.
Individuals come from different backgrounds with previous relationships with previous partners and also family members and friends. There may be obstacles from the past that need to be overcome before the relationship will move to true intimacy.
Building that level of trust may take a short time or it may take years. Any breach of trust along the way will greatly prolong the process. During the process there must be a shared sense of purpose moving forward. Working through past hurts, insecurities or fears. There must be transparency and openness between the partners. To allow for transparency and openness each partner must feel safe doing so. They can not feel they will be judged or ostracized for their past.
True intimacy is understanding your partner and the desire to please them in the relationship. Their needs and desires begin to be more important than your own personal needs and desires. Once the relationship reaches this level of maturity it will go through a positive transformation where each partner has the desire to honor the relationship rather than be self serving.
With a basis of trust and a spirit of true intimacy the stage is set for a successful marriage. You may need some assistance in getting to this point depending of what issues each of you face from your past. It only takes one partner to begin the process of building trust and intimacy. Now is the time for you to take that first step.
Visit us today for a fresh new start for your marriage. For a limited time they are offering a 30 day free trial on "The Us Factor" program. You'll find it on the Want a Better Marriage page. In the program and from the the safety and comfort of your own home they take you through the most common problems in relationships and gives practical solutions to the most difficult problems. When you visit our site be sure to sign up for our free reports on Successful Relationships.
Experience the joy that comes from building the relationship of your dreams and desires. Learn how to approach and overcome the difficult times, hopefully before you face them. Regardless of where you may be today you will find answers to your relationship needs today at SaveRelationshipsNow.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Leiphart
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
How to Have a Happy Marriage and Prevent Divorce
It is all too easy these days to think about filing for a divorce. No longer do couples make such a serious effort to overcome their difficulties. If you are determined to make a go of your marriage and prevent divorce from happening then you will need to fully comprehend what it takes to have a happy long lasting relationship.
It will not be possible to be in a successful marriage without being able to always communicate openly with each other. There can be many problems we have in your lives. If we keep such issues bottled up then it can lead to bouts of mood swings and emotional disturbances. Your partner should be happy to hear about your stressful day and any concerns that are troubling you.
If both of you hold down jobs, then there is every chance that you'll be reaching home at different times of the day. Maybe one of you has a long commute. Nevertheless it is still important to sit down and eat together in the evenings. By having this routine you can strengthen the bond.
What often happens in a marriage is that the longer you are with your spouse the easier it's to take them for granted. We all like to be treated special. When was the last time you splashed out on your other half? Do not just wait until a birthday or special occasion to buy a gift. Men and women love to receive presents at any time of the year.
Try to find a time each week to do an activity together that you both enjoy. This could be going to the movies or a sports game. Either way, a shared interest will help strengthen the marriage.
With determination and understanding it is possible for any marriage to last the full term.
To save your marriage, go to http://www.savemarriages.net
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_K._Lee
It will not be possible to be in a successful marriage without being able to always communicate openly with each other. There can be many problems we have in your lives. If we keep such issues bottled up then it can lead to bouts of mood swings and emotional disturbances. Your partner should be happy to hear about your stressful day and any concerns that are troubling you.
If both of you hold down jobs, then there is every chance that you'll be reaching home at different times of the day. Maybe one of you has a long commute. Nevertheless it is still important to sit down and eat together in the evenings. By having this routine you can strengthen the bond.
What often happens in a marriage is that the longer you are with your spouse the easier it's to take them for granted. We all like to be treated special. When was the last time you splashed out on your other half? Do not just wait until a birthday or special occasion to buy a gift. Men and women love to receive presents at any time of the year.
Try to find a time each week to do an activity together that you both enjoy. This could be going to the movies or a sports game. Either way, a shared interest will help strengthen the marriage.
With determination and understanding it is possible for any marriage to last the full term.
To save your marriage, go to http://www.savemarriages.net
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=John_K._Lee
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
How to Have a Successful Marriage and Avoid Divorce
Our society as a whole is failing miserably in the successful marriage category. Similar to the current foreclosure crisis in our country where for each foreclosure reported there are more people suffering day to day in the struggle to keep their homes. With marriage and divorce there is a similar equation. With each divorce there are countless other relationships languishing in discontent and misery.
How do we turn the tables on this trend and create more successful marriages? Marriages and relationships begin with such hope and positive expectations for a picture book, fairy tale relationship. Perhaps that is part of the problem. Every rose has its thorns.
I've taken the time to interview couples who have been together for over 20 years. The people who seem the most content in their marriages share some striking characteristics that everyone in any relationship should be aware of and put in practice every day.
Commitment is the key. In every solid relationship there is a sense of commitment that is unwavering. There is a sense that no matter how stormy the seas become, abandoning the ship is not an option. Many couples made the commitment years before that the word divorce or separation would never be spoken in the context of the relationship. Once these words are used in a relationship there will always be the underlying threat of either divorce or separation being an option in the mind of at least one individual. Why not make that commitment today to your spouse that those words are off limits from now on?
Mutual acceptance and respect create immunity from within. When a partner feels respected, cherished, adored and in spite of their small foibles and character flaws, they are less likely to be offended or hurt if a partner says something unkind or acts in a less than positive manner towards their spouse. Likewise in a loving relationship where mutual acceptance is the rule rather than the exception, it is much less likely that a partner would ever say or do something that would hurt the other. We are all human and as such we will always make mistakes in how we handle situations or conflict. If both partners are accepting of each other then the conflicts will be resolved quickly without escalation.
Never stop courting your spouse! It's possible to be totally committed, accepting of your spouse and respectful of their needs and yet both be completely bored after much time together. Rekindle your love and do the things you've always enjoyed together. Travel to places you enjoyed together previously. Go for the romantic walk that you shared when you first met.
Marriage is a big leap of faith yet with proper care and understanding it is possible to build a marriage that will withstand the test of time. For a limited time you can visit our site for a free mini course to Save Your Marriage Today
We've compiled the resources to help whether you need to rekindle your love in your marriage or trying to fire up the passion. If you are concerned about losing your spouse or are searching for the relationship you desire we have brought together insightful people and programs to help you attain the relationship you deserve. Visit us now to discover more. When you visit our site be sure to sign up for our free reports on Successful Relationships
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brian_Leiphart
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The Secret to a Truly Successful Marriage
In this article I am about to reveal what is arguably the #1 most significant secret to a fulfilling and a happy and successful marriage.
First of all, let us define successful. Some consider that a couple that remains married for a long period as having a "successful" marriage. That is far far from the truth. The fact is that many, many couples remain married for the very same reasons that many, many couples get married in the first place... FEAR. That's right, fear of separation. Fear of starting over again. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of finding someone else. Fear of not having the security of knowing that somebody is there in their life (rather they're fulfilled or not). Fear of being yet another divorce statistic. Fear of breaking the marriage vows of staying together "till death do us part".
So just because a couple may have been married for 31 years that does NOT mean that they have a "successful" marriage.
Success at anything can best be defined by a fulfillment of ones goals. For example if a person says that they're goal is to run in the next marathon, and they actually run in it then they have succeeded (rather they actually complete the entire run or not). It was still an admiral goal they set and they did run in it and they should be proud of their success. It is something the vast majority of other people would NEVER do.
If another says that their goal is to complete the marathon race and they actually complete it then they were a success. They were successful at completing their goal.
If another says that their goal is to win the next marathon, they will only have succeeded if they actually WIN it. There is only one winner. To succeed, they have to come in first place. If they come in second place then they achieved something admiral... but they did NOT succeed. Again... success is the fulfillment of one's goal and purpose.
Nobody get's married with a goal of staying married. They're goal is to have a happy and fulfilling life with this other person. The only successful marriages are those where both in the relationship are happy, content and fulfilled. A couple who has been miserably married for 20 years is NOT an example of a successful marriage just because neither has the gumption to get out of the hell which has become their married life, (sometimes since before the honeymoon).
So this report is not about how to stay in a bad marriage (and remain miserable, depressed, unfilled and oftentimes...unfaithful). NO, this is about the SECRET to a happy and fulfilled and therefore successful marriage.
This secret is so simple and yet so obvious that many of you may be disappointed in it's simplicity. It is nothing profound and yet ...it is profoundly simple and true.
Many couples go to marriage counselors and couples therapy trying to fix bad or even ruined and irreparable marriages. For those couples this secret isn't going to help them much. They should have learned this secret a long time ago... before they even got married.
You see, it's extremely difficult to put something back together that was never quite together to begin with. Often, it was broken from the onset and now you want to fix it.
There are many reasons that people get married:
* Desperation * Insecurities * Need * Greed * Free sex * Want kids * AIDS * Lonely * Want stability * Getting older... "Don't want to grow old alone." * Pregnancy "It's for the kids"
All of the reasons above, 100% of them are BAD reasons to get married.
It is astounding to see the foolish thinking that is prevalent today. There are many people, once they make up their mind that they want to get married will then marry the first person who stumbles across their path and is equally determined and equally desperate. Often they set their standard so low it's as if the only qualification is a 'willingness' to "commit".
Having said all of that I will now reveal to you THE SECRET to a successful marriage. It far surpasses anything else you will ever hear or learn about this subject. THE SECRET is this... ((drum roll please)) ...MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON!
That's it folks. THAT is the "secret", Marry the Right person in the first place... and everything else can work itself out!
The "right" person means the RIGHT person for you. And it is critical that you know that they are the right person for you ONLY if you also are the right person for them.
Fellas' you may have a picture in your mind and an image of the girl of your dreams but you must also be the man of her dreams ...or that dream may turn into a nightmare. Same for the ladies, the man whom you envision as your knight in shining amour must also see you as his Queen.
Marriage is really not that difficult at all if you followed this secret to begin with. If you marry the right person you don't have to spend your entire relationship trying to make that person into whom you want or need them to be.
If you're single then I say ...hold out for the right person. Do not compromise on it. Set your standards high and do not deviate from them.
But I also must say that a problem with many marriages is that people only look for what they want and what and who they envision as being the right type of person for them. You must also consider that you must also be what that other person really and truly wants also. Many marriages fail because this is neglected.
Fella's, you want a younger, sexy, beautiful woman? That's fine...but your primary requirement must be that she...in spite of the fact that she has numerous options and will always be hit on almost daily if she's really truly "hot"...will be content with YOU. If not... then she is NOT the right person... even if you can get her to marry you.
You women who want a guy who is popular, rich, famous... that's your right to desire that. But you'd better make sure that you are what he really and truly wants as well.
You want him for his popularity, wealth and fame? Well women like you are a dime a dozen. There is no scarcity there, he can replace you in a heartbeat.
If you're truly serious then take a look down the road.... consider the future. If they are the right person for you but will not be the right person for you down the road... and you know it, then they are NOT the right person for you and you are not the right person for them. Do not use marriage to fulfill your temporary needs. Look for Mr. Or Mrs Right ...not for Mr. Or Mrs Right Now.
This article is only for people that are serious about love and marriage. All the game players and people that just want to use the institution of marriage to fulfill your ulterior motives... I have nothing to say to you at all other than... I wish you the worst. To the rest... the sincere folk, good luck! But rather you're looking for true love or just want to have fun there is truly nothing like using chat rooms to find exactly the type person that is perfectly suited for you... and most people are just missing out on the opportunities here because nobody has ever shown them how to use chat rooms to find your true love online.
If you found this article helpful then I would suggest that you immediately go to the website below for some truly insightful info on how to use the internet and especially free online chat rooms instead of dating services to find true love and happiness. http://chatroomdatingsecrets
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Khalif_Johnson
First of all, let us define successful. Some consider that a couple that remains married for a long period as having a "successful" marriage. That is far far from the truth. The fact is that many, many couples remain married for the very same reasons that many, many couples get married in the first place... FEAR. That's right, fear of separation. Fear of starting over again. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of finding someone else. Fear of not having the security of knowing that somebody is there in their life (rather they're fulfilled or not). Fear of being yet another divorce statistic. Fear of breaking the marriage vows of staying together "till death do us part".
So just because a couple may have been married for 31 years that does NOT mean that they have a "successful" marriage.
Success at anything can best be defined by a fulfillment of ones goals. For example if a person says that they're goal is to run in the next marathon, and they actually run in it then they have succeeded (rather they actually complete the entire run or not). It was still an admiral goal they set and they did run in it and they should be proud of their success. It is something the vast majority of other people would NEVER do.
If another says that their goal is to complete the marathon race and they actually complete it then they were a success. They were successful at completing their goal.
If another says that their goal is to win the next marathon, they will only have succeeded if they actually WIN it. There is only one winner. To succeed, they have to come in first place. If they come in second place then they achieved something admiral... but they did NOT succeed. Again... success is the fulfillment of one's goal and purpose.
Nobody get's married with a goal of staying married. They're goal is to have a happy and fulfilling life with this other person. The only successful marriages are those where both in the relationship are happy, content and fulfilled. A couple who has been miserably married for 20 years is NOT an example of a successful marriage just because neither has the gumption to get out of the hell which has become their married life, (sometimes since before the honeymoon).
So this report is not about how to stay in a bad marriage (and remain miserable, depressed, unfilled and oftentimes...unfaithful). NO, this is about the SECRET to a happy and fulfilled and therefore successful marriage.
This secret is so simple and yet so obvious that many of you may be disappointed in it's simplicity. It is nothing profound and yet ...it is profoundly simple and true.
Many couples go to marriage counselors and couples therapy trying to fix bad or even ruined and irreparable marriages. For those couples this secret isn't going to help them much. They should have learned this secret a long time ago... before they even got married.
You see, it's extremely difficult to put something back together that was never quite together to begin with. Often, it was broken from the onset and now you want to fix it.
There are many reasons that people get married:
* Desperation * Insecurities * Need * Greed * Free sex * Want kids * AIDS * Lonely * Want stability * Getting older... "Don't want to grow old alone." * Pregnancy "It's for the kids"
All of the reasons above, 100% of them are BAD reasons to get married.
It is astounding to see the foolish thinking that is prevalent today. There are many people, once they make up their mind that they want to get married will then marry the first person who stumbles across their path and is equally determined and equally desperate. Often they set their standard so low it's as if the only qualification is a 'willingness' to "commit".
Having said all of that I will now reveal to you THE SECRET to a successful marriage. It far surpasses anything else you will ever hear or learn about this subject. THE SECRET is this... ((drum roll please)) ...MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON!
That's it folks. THAT is the "secret", Marry the Right person in the first place... and everything else can work itself out!
The "right" person means the RIGHT person for you. And it is critical that you know that they are the right person for you ONLY if you also are the right person for them.
Fellas' you may have a picture in your mind and an image of the girl of your dreams but you must also be the man of her dreams ...or that dream may turn into a nightmare. Same for the ladies, the man whom you envision as your knight in shining amour must also see you as his Queen.
Marriage is really not that difficult at all if you followed this secret to begin with. If you marry the right person you don't have to spend your entire relationship trying to make that person into whom you want or need them to be.
If you're single then I say ...hold out for the right person. Do not compromise on it. Set your standards high and do not deviate from them.
But I also must say that a problem with many marriages is that people only look for what they want and what and who they envision as being the right type of person for them. You must also consider that you must also be what that other person really and truly wants also. Many marriages fail because this is neglected.
Fella's, you want a younger, sexy, beautiful woman? That's fine...but your primary requirement must be that she...in spite of the fact that she has numerous options and will always be hit on almost daily if she's really truly "hot"...will be content with YOU. If not... then she is NOT the right person... even if you can get her to marry you.
You women who want a guy who is popular, rich, famous... that's your right to desire that. But you'd better make sure that you are what he really and truly wants as well.
You want him for his popularity, wealth and fame? Well women like you are a dime a dozen. There is no scarcity there, he can replace you in a heartbeat.
If you're truly serious then take a look down the road.... consider the future. If they are the right person for you but will not be the right person for you down the road... and you know it, then they are NOT the right person for you and you are not the right person for them. Do not use marriage to fulfill your temporary needs. Look for Mr. Or Mrs Right ...not for Mr. Or Mrs Right Now.
This article is only for people that are serious about love and marriage. All the game players and people that just want to use the institution of marriage to fulfill your ulterior motives... I have nothing to say to you at all other than... I wish you the worst. To the rest... the sincere folk, good luck! But rather you're looking for true love or just want to have fun there is truly nothing like using chat rooms to find exactly the type person that is perfectly suited for you... and most people are just missing out on the opportunities here because nobody has ever shown them how to use chat rooms to find your true love online.
If you found this article helpful then I would suggest that you immediately go to the website below for some truly insightful info on how to use the internet and especially free online chat rooms instead of dating services to find true love and happiness. http://chatroomdatingsecrets
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Khalif_Johnson
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Happier Marriage: Ten Tips For Creating The Marriage Of Your Dreams
Everyone wants a happier marriage yet few people know what to do to achieve it. So many times people look to their spouse to "complete" them instead of looking inside themselves to figure out how they can help their relationship thrive. Here are some ideas to get you started on the road to a happier marriage.
1. Overlook your spouse's faults like you overlook your own. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit you have faults, just as everyone does. If you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that you often overlook or dismiss your bad habits, while criticizing your spouse's bad habits. Decide today to go easy on your spouse. Let go of the need to correct his faults and you may find him less critical of yours.
2. Decide what kind of day you want to have, and then create it. Yes, you can do this. A rainy day doesn't make you have a "bad day." You decide how to deal with things that are out of your control, like the weather, other people's driving, your boss's micromanaging, etc. You can choose misery or you can choose peace of mind.
It begins with what you tell yourself. For example: if it's raining in the morning you can fret and tell yourself, "This is going to be a terrible day. I'll get wet, people will drive like maniacs, and I'll be late for work. This day is ruined." Guess what? You're right. Try this instead: "I am grateful for the rain. I'll leave early for work and I'll drive carefully. I can put on my favorite music and I'll choose calm. This is a great day." Your spouse will thank you when you decide what kind of day to have and her "bad mood" won't bother you!
3. A kiss on the cheek at an unexpected time can create goodwill. If you have a habit of greeting your spouse with a friendly, "Where were you? Why didn't you call? You said you were going to be here by 6:00," take a deep breath and hold that thought. Try this instead: "I'm so glad to see you. How was your day?" then kiss him on the cheek and enjoy the rest of your evening together. Maybe your spouse will think you've gone crazy, but it will definitely be a change from the usual evening sparring match.
4. Always greet your spouse with a smile. Remember why you married her and let that warm feeling create your smile. Smiles are contagious; you're likely to get one back when you practice this. When he calls you, answer the phone with a smile. You will feel differently when you smile and your spouse can hear your smile in your voice.
5. Add to this a bonus. Smiles and hugs go together like salt and pepper. We need human contact with the one we chose to marry. Hugs can melt away resentment and generate compassion. Virginia Satir, one of the key figures in the development of family therapy, declared that we need twelve hugs a day to maintain our mental health. How many hugs are you giving each other each day?
6. Always be the first to say, "I’m sorry," even if you believe you were right (especially if you believe you are right). When you believe you are right and you're willing to create distance between you and your spouse to hold onto your "rightness" you damage your relationship. Ask yourself if you want to win the argument or win the relationship. You can't do both.
7. Make a daily habit of remembering what made you fall in love with him. If you only focus on your partner's faults, you will quickly "fall out" of love. You can decide to focus on what you like and appreciate your spouse. This is not something to keep to yourself. Appreciate her and tell her. Daily. Appreciation has a wonderful benefit of coming back to you. People will do more for you when they realize you truly appreciate them and what they do.
8. Make blame an obsolete concept. It has no place in your marriage. Blame is so dangerous to the health of your marriage. Blame says you are a victim and your happiness is totally dependent on your spouse doing everything just the way you want it. Choose to take responsibility for what you can control: your own behavior. Before a blaming statement leaves your mouth, ask yourself what you can do to help your marriage.
9. Total honesty is not helpful. Discretion is better. Focusing on the good things you can say to each other is best. I think some people use the phrase "I'm just being honest" to say some pretty ugly things to each other. Sometimes people say they're being honest, but they are really only expressing their opinion. Before you decide to say that "honest" thing to your spouse, think about how it will impact your relationship. Can you phrase it differently? Does it need to be said? Is it just your opinion? Think about it.
10. Ask yourself, "What can I do today that will bring me closer to the one I married?" Then do it. Keep it simple, using the examples above or creating your own. You have a creative mind and you can make this a daily habit. You will reap the benefits of a closer, happier marriage. Keep up these habits, building on them, and you can create the marriage of your dreams.
About the Author
Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor in San Antonio, TX. For more tips and tools to help you create relationships that bring you joy, visit http://www.michellevasquez.com and sign up for the free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there.
Published At: www.Isnare.comPermanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=159869&ca=Marriage
1. Overlook your spouse's faults like you overlook your own. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit you have faults, just as everyone does. If you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that you often overlook or dismiss your bad habits, while criticizing your spouse's bad habits. Decide today to go easy on your spouse. Let go of the need to correct his faults and you may find him less critical of yours.
2. Decide what kind of day you want to have, and then create it. Yes, you can do this. A rainy day doesn't make you have a "bad day." You decide how to deal with things that are out of your control, like the weather, other people's driving, your boss's micromanaging, etc. You can choose misery or you can choose peace of mind.
It begins with what you tell yourself. For example: if it's raining in the morning you can fret and tell yourself, "This is going to be a terrible day. I'll get wet, people will drive like maniacs, and I'll be late for work. This day is ruined." Guess what? You're right. Try this instead: "I am grateful for the rain. I'll leave early for work and I'll drive carefully. I can put on my favorite music and I'll choose calm. This is a great day." Your spouse will thank you when you decide what kind of day to have and her "bad mood" won't bother you!
3. A kiss on the cheek at an unexpected time can create goodwill. If you have a habit of greeting your spouse with a friendly, "Where were you? Why didn't you call? You said you were going to be here by 6:00," take a deep breath and hold that thought. Try this instead: "I'm so glad to see you. How was your day?" then kiss him on the cheek and enjoy the rest of your evening together. Maybe your spouse will think you've gone crazy, but it will definitely be a change from the usual evening sparring match.
4. Always greet your spouse with a smile. Remember why you married her and let that warm feeling create your smile. Smiles are contagious; you're likely to get one back when you practice this. When he calls you, answer the phone with a smile. You will feel differently when you smile and your spouse can hear your smile in your voice.
5. Add to this a bonus. Smiles and hugs go together like salt and pepper. We need human contact with the one we chose to marry. Hugs can melt away resentment and generate compassion. Virginia Satir, one of the key figures in the development of family therapy, declared that we need twelve hugs a day to maintain our mental health. How many hugs are you giving each other each day?
6. Always be the first to say, "I’m sorry," even if you believe you were right (especially if you believe you are right). When you believe you are right and you're willing to create distance between you and your spouse to hold onto your "rightness" you damage your relationship. Ask yourself if you want to win the argument or win the relationship. You can't do both.
7. Make a daily habit of remembering what made you fall in love with him. If you only focus on your partner's faults, you will quickly "fall out" of love. You can decide to focus on what you like and appreciate your spouse. This is not something to keep to yourself. Appreciate her and tell her. Daily. Appreciation has a wonderful benefit of coming back to you. People will do more for you when they realize you truly appreciate them and what they do.
8. Make blame an obsolete concept. It has no place in your marriage. Blame is so dangerous to the health of your marriage. Blame says you are a victim and your happiness is totally dependent on your spouse doing everything just the way you want it. Choose to take responsibility for what you can control: your own behavior. Before a blaming statement leaves your mouth, ask yourself what you can do to help your marriage.
9. Total honesty is not helpful. Discretion is better. Focusing on the good things you can say to each other is best. I think some people use the phrase "I'm just being honest" to say some pretty ugly things to each other. Sometimes people say they're being honest, but they are really only expressing their opinion. Before you decide to say that "honest" thing to your spouse, think about how it will impact your relationship. Can you phrase it differently? Does it need to be said? Is it just your opinion? Think about it.
10. Ask yourself, "What can I do today that will bring me closer to the one I married?" Then do it. Keep it simple, using the examples above or creating your own. You have a creative mind and you can make this a daily habit. You will reap the benefits of a closer, happier marriage. Keep up these habits, building on them, and you can create the marriage of your dreams.
About the Author
Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor in San Antonio, TX. For more tips and tools to help you create relationships that bring you joy, visit http://www.michellevasquez.com and sign up for the free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there.
Published At: www.Isnare.comPermanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=159869&ca=Marriage
Is There Hope to Save a Marriage? Here Lies the Secret to Turning Your Marriage Around
Do this one magical thing and there will be plenty of hope for saving your marriage
Has your spouse just told you that your marriage is over? Are you doing what most people do when this happens? If you are then stop right now and read the rest of this article. It could be the difference between splitting up and making up.
Has your spouse just told you that your marriage is over? Are you doing what most people do when this happens? If you are then stop right now and read the rest of this article. It could be the difference between splitting up and making up.
What you must not do if you hope to save your marriage and stop your divorce
Most people have a knee-jerk reaction to their spouse telling you that you're finished as a couple. You tell them how much you love them and can't live without them. You tell them that you would do anything to get them back. You will change your habits, buy gifts, spend less time at the office blah blah blah... Do you think that all this pleading is going to make any difference? Well it is - it's going to make things a lot worse and push your partner even further away from you.
You have to fight to save your marriage but you need the right weapons
Whatever you do, stop pleading with your spouse right now. It isn't going to help and you need to learn a different way of approaching your problem.
Getting your wife back isn't going to be easy but it can be done and if you go in armed with the right weapons and the proper training in how to use them then you will be surprised just how effective they can be. There is hope to save a marriage in most cases - it's just a matter of doing the right things in the right way.
This is the first thing you must do to get your Ex back
The first thing that you must do to save your marriage is accept that it's over. I know that this doesn't sound right but you're not going to get anywhere until you realize that it's what your partner wants right now and you need to give it to them. Think about getting your ex back as the start of a wonderful new relationship together not the end of one that's failing.
Have a calm and rational discussion with your partner and tell mim or her that they are so right and that you have been thinking along the same lines for a long time. If you've already done the pleading bit and some time has passed then write them a letter to tell them that you now accept the situation and that you think it's the right thing to do.
I know that this is the exact opposite of what your heart is telling you to do but this technique has far greater chance of working than pleading with your spouse hoping that they will change their mind. Let's face it, pleading almost never works so what have you got to lose?
Now there is hope to save your marriage
Once you've accepted the situation and you both start to think about the rest of your life the pressure of the separation melts away and you're free to start making up. Be careful not to undo the good work you've done so far though. You now have to go under the radar to start getting your ex to love you again without realizing what's happening. If you go about it the right way - there is hope to save your marriage in abundance.
About the Author
Discover under-the-radar techniques that will make your ex love you again without even realizing what you're doing - Find out how you can save a doomed marriage http://www.howdo-i.com/save-my-marriage/
Published At: www.Isnare.comPermanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=300683&ca=Marriage
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Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Happier Marriage: Ten Tips For Creating The Marriage Of Your Dreams
Everyone wants a happier marriage yet few people know what to do to achieve it. So many times people look to their spouse to "complete" them instead of looking inside themselves to figure out how they can help their relationship thrive. Here are some ideas to get you started on the road to a happier marriage.
1. Overlook your spouse's faults like you overlook your own. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit you have faults, just as everyone does. If you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that you often overlook or dismiss your bad habits, while criticizing your spouse's bad habits. Decide today to go easy on your spouse. Let go of the need to correct his faults and you may find him less critical of yours.
2. Decide what kind of day you want to have, and then create it. Yes, you can do this. A rainy day doesn't make you have a "bad day." You decide how to deal with things that are out of your control, like the weather, other people's driving, your boss's micromanaging, etc. You can choose misery or you can choose peace of mind.
It begins with what you tell yourself. For example: if it's raining in the morning you can fret and tell yourself, "This is going to be a terrible day. I'll get wet, people will drive like maniacs, and I'll be late for work. This day is ruined." Guess what? You're right. Try this instead: "I am grateful for the rain. I'll leave early for work and I'll drive carefully. I can put on my favorite music and I'll choose calm. This is a great day." Your spouse will thank you when you decide what kind of day to have and her "bad mood" won't bother you!
3. A kiss on the cheek at an unexpected time can create goodwill. If you have a habit of greeting your spouse with a friendly, "Where were you? Why didn't you call? You said you were going to be here by 6:00," take a deep breath and hold that thought. Try this instead: "I'm so glad to see you. How was your day?" then kiss him on the cheek and enjoy the rest of your evening together. Maybe your spouse will think you've gone crazy, but it will definitely be a change from the usual evening sparring match.
4. Always greet your spouse with a smile. Remember why you married her and let that warm feeling create your smile. Smiles are contagious; you're likely to get one back when you practice this. When he calls you, answer the phone with a smile. You will feel differently when you smile and your spouse can hear your smile in your voice.
5. Add to this a bonus. Smiles and hugs go together like salt and pepper. We need human contact with the one we chose to marry. Hugs can melt away resentment and generate compassion. Virginia Satir, one of the key figures in the development of family therapy, declared that we need twelve hugs a day to maintain our mental health. How many hugs are you giving each other each day?
6. Always be the first to say, “I’m sorry,” even if you believe you were right (especially if you believe you are right). When you believe you are right and you're willing to create distance between you and your spouse to hold onto your "rightness" you damage your relationship. Ask yourself if you want to win the argument or win the relationship. You can't do both.
7. Make a daily habit of remembering what made you fall in love with him. If you only focus on your partner's faults, you will quickly "fall out" of love. You can decide to focus on what you like and appreciate your spouse. This is not something to keep to yourself. Appreciate her and tell her. Daily. Appreciation has a wonderful benefit of coming back to you. People will do more for you when they realize you truly appreciate them and what they do.
8. Make blame an obsolete concept. It has no place in your marriage. Blame is so dangerous to the health of your marriage. Blame says you are a victim and your happiness is totally dependent on your spouse doing everything just the way you want it. Choose to take responsibility for what you can control: your own behavior. Before a blaming statement leaves your mouth, ask yourself what you can do to help your marriage.
9. Total honesty is not helpful. Discretion is better. Focusing on the good things you can say to each other is best. I think some people use the phrase "I'm just being honest" to say some pretty ugly things to each other. Sometimes people say they're being honest, but they are really only expressing their opinion. Before you decide to say that "honest" thing to your spouse, think about how it will impact your relationship. Can you phrase it differently? Does it need to be said? Is it just your opinion? Think about it.
10. Ask yourself, “What can I do today that will bring me closer to the one I married?” Then do it. Keep it simple, using the examples above or creating your own. You have a creative mind and you can make this a daily habit. You will reap the benefits of a closer, happier marriage. Keep up these habits, building on them, and you can create the marriage of your dreams.
About the Author
Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor in San Antonio, TX. For more tips and tools to help you create relationships that bring you joy, visit http://www.michellevasquez.com and sign up for the free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there.
Published At: www.Isnare.comPermanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=159869&ca=Marriage
Got a question about this article? Ask the community!
1. Overlook your spouse's faults like you overlook your own. If you are honest with yourself, you will admit you have faults, just as everyone does. If you're really honest with yourself, you will admit that you often overlook or dismiss your bad habits, while criticizing your spouse's bad habits. Decide today to go easy on your spouse. Let go of the need to correct his faults and you may find him less critical of yours.
2. Decide what kind of day you want to have, and then create it. Yes, you can do this. A rainy day doesn't make you have a "bad day." You decide how to deal with things that are out of your control, like the weather, other people's driving, your boss's micromanaging, etc. You can choose misery or you can choose peace of mind.
It begins with what you tell yourself. For example: if it's raining in the morning you can fret and tell yourself, "This is going to be a terrible day. I'll get wet, people will drive like maniacs, and I'll be late for work. This day is ruined." Guess what? You're right. Try this instead: "I am grateful for the rain. I'll leave early for work and I'll drive carefully. I can put on my favorite music and I'll choose calm. This is a great day." Your spouse will thank you when you decide what kind of day to have and her "bad mood" won't bother you!
3. A kiss on the cheek at an unexpected time can create goodwill. If you have a habit of greeting your spouse with a friendly, "Where were you? Why didn't you call? You said you were going to be here by 6:00," take a deep breath and hold that thought. Try this instead: "I'm so glad to see you. How was your day?" then kiss him on the cheek and enjoy the rest of your evening together. Maybe your spouse will think you've gone crazy, but it will definitely be a change from the usual evening sparring match.
4. Always greet your spouse with a smile. Remember why you married her and let that warm feeling create your smile. Smiles are contagious; you're likely to get one back when you practice this. When he calls you, answer the phone with a smile. You will feel differently when you smile and your spouse can hear your smile in your voice.
5. Add to this a bonus. Smiles and hugs go together like salt and pepper. We need human contact with the one we chose to marry. Hugs can melt away resentment and generate compassion. Virginia Satir, one of the key figures in the development of family therapy, declared that we need twelve hugs a day to maintain our mental health. How many hugs are you giving each other each day?
6. Always be the first to say, “I’m sorry,” even if you believe you were right (especially if you believe you are right). When you believe you are right and you're willing to create distance between you and your spouse to hold onto your "rightness" you damage your relationship. Ask yourself if you want to win the argument or win the relationship. You can't do both.
7. Make a daily habit of remembering what made you fall in love with him. If you only focus on your partner's faults, you will quickly "fall out" of love. You can decide to focus on what you like and appreciate your spouse. This is not something to keep to yourself. Appreciate her and tell her. Daily. Appreciation has a wonderful benefit of coming back to you. People will do more for you when they realize you truly appreciate them and what they do.
8. Make blame an obsolete concept. It has no place in your marriage. Blame is so dangerous to the health of your marriage. Blame says you are a victim and your happiness is totally dependent on your spouse doing everything just the way you want it. Choose to take responsibility for what you can control: your own behavior. Before a blaming statement leaves your mouth, ask yourself what you can do to help your marriage.
9. Total honesty is not helpful. Discretion is better. Focusing on the good things you can say to each other is best. I think some people use the phrase "I'm just being honest" to say some pretty ugly things to each other. Sometimes people say they're being honest, but they are really only expressing their opinion. Before you decide to say that "honest" thing to your spouse, think about how it will impact your relationship. Can you phrase it differently? Does it need to be said? Is it just your opinion? Think about it.
10. Ask yourself, “What can I do today that will bring me closer to the one I married?” Then do it. Keep it simple, using the examples above or creating your own. You have a creative mind and you can make this a daily habit. You will reap the benefits of a closer, happier marriage. Keep up these habits, building on them, and you can create the marriage of your dreams.
About the Author
Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor in San Antonio, TX. For more tips and tools to help you create relationships that bring you joy, visit http://www.michellevasquez.com and sign up for the free newsletter, Relationship Success, while you're there.
Published At: www.Isnare.comPermanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=159869&ca=Marriage
Got a question about this article? Ask the community!
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